this is the engagement ring i want. so, if you follow this blog, chances are you will know the boy who will someday propose. tell him to get this one. haha
on another note. today was exactly what i needed. my mom came home and said "shay, you're bummin, i'm bummin, let's get out of this house."
we went downtown to get boba tea, where we saw my lovely Nik!! he had gotten a tattoo that says "necessary, the waxing heart." basically, when the moon is waxing, it is getting bigger (or seems to be, from our perspective.) so it's a reminder that your heart should always be growing and that you need to love more today than you did yesterday. i love it.
we went downtown to get boba tea, where we saw my lovely Nik!! he had gotten a tattoo that says "necessary, the waxing heart." basically, when the moon is waxing, it is getting bigger (or seems to be, from our perspective.) so it's a reminder that your heart should always be growing and that you need to love more today than you did yesterday. i love it.
anyyyyway. after that, we drove to our spot in the mountains, watched the dog play in the creek for a few hours, then took the long drive home. it's the most beautiful drive anyway, and the colors are just beginning to change. the brilliant reds, oranges, and yellows were stunning... i wish i had gotten pictures of them, but we were driving and i was too busy relaxing. after that, my mom made a delicious dinner, then jamie came to pick me up.
we got chips, ramen, and soda at walmart (ONLY SPENT 3.50!!! CRAZY!!) and went up to the college. the roomates were either sleeping, studying, or gone to cowboys, so jamie and i had a girls night. i painted her nails (all time low themed) halfass painted mine, and we ate and watched the hangover. then CJ got home and they two of them drove me home.
i love them. all of them.
we can have the best times doing absolutely nothing, or have the nights that legit seem like they last a week because we have crammed so much in. we can joke about anything or have heart to hearts that end in tears. my friends are my family, and i wouldn't have it any other way.
today was amazing, especially considering i've been SOOOO sick this past week. i was really scared this time, and i think it came across, because my friends have been concerned more than usual. most times, i play it off and they ask once if i'm okay then leave it. this time, i've had people calling or texting to check up on me multiple times a day.
as much as i hate for them to worry, and as much as i'm NOT used to having that wall down far enough for them to peek over and see my vulnerability... i love that they care about me. i know that if i HAD ended up in the hospital (SUPER CLOSE CALL THIS TIME) they would have been there the second i called. it's nice to know i'm not alone in all this.
and friends lend a different kind of support than my mom can, bless her heart.
it is 5 am almost. and i am not sleeping. i can't. i am too worried about the doctor appt tomorrow... which is so dumb because they won't have a diagnosis for me. they'll just send me in for more tests. they haven't tested for anything in particular, only gotten "visuals that look concerning." awesome.
friday at the BUTT CRACK of dawn i also have a stomach emptying study which will be real weird. more on that coming soon.
at this point, i know i could handle whatever diagnosis is thrown at me. i just need a diagnosis. i'm sick of uncertainty and vulnerability. i'm sick of not knowing what's going on, and i'm sick of feeling helpless. i'm more sick of these things than i am of... well.. being sick.
i need to go rest. i'd rather paint my nails, because i know i won't sleep. but at least i should lay down and try to think of other things. if nothing else, i need to write a letter to my pen pal :)
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